literally another aussie in london

look at the orbs on him

English Papers

In Australia we have so few newspapers.

Even fewer good ones.

We think our tabloid papers are pretty rubbish.

But they aren’t, they are beacons of literaturey goodness compared to the English ones.

The English tabloids are extreme to the max.

Everything is big.

Everything is dumb.

And there is almost no news.

On a Sunday I read a tabloid, no idea which one, that had an article about how some tv presenter, noel someone, looked like a stalker to me, had the orbs of his two dead parents on his shoulders.

That was in a news paper.

And not even in a completely piss taking way. Which is the only way I would have accepted it.

While I was in Nottingham, pronounced nottinnoam, I went to what looked like a reasnobly nice café, and by that it was the only place I found in town that didn’t have TRENT FM blaring.

In this café they one spread sheet, that an economics major was reading, and everything else was a shit.

So I picked up the Daily Mirror.

The first half of the front page was ads for special features that were in the paper in bright colours, things like free nature docos, and specials on diets.

The rest of the front page is filled with how Paul McCartney needs 5000 bodyguards in Israel, front page.

The second page has a 30 second brain exercise, surely for the average reader of this paper that is overkill.

On page three is a special on a Prada model falling over at a major, yet unnamed fashion show, and then about 4 pictures of models looking unbalanced.

Also on this page is a story about how Roger Moore doesn’t care that he is the worst Bond and that Britney Spears is selling her house.

Page 4 had something about a French company building nuclear reactors in England, or something, I really couldn’t understand that article.

Page 5 was more on Paul, and yet again it was mentioned more guards than Dubya, incase you had missed the front page.

Then on page 6 they mentioned that the transport secretary had quit.

To top all this off 20 pages into the sport they had there first mention of the cricket, with a picture of eyelids pattinson, and mentioning he is a former roofer.

If I had a paper, I would have eyelids as my page 3 model, holding a roof tile over his package.

September 26, 2008 Posted by Jrod | notthingham | newspapers, noel edmonds | 7 Comments