look at the orbs on him
English Papers
In Australia we have so few newspapers.
Even fewer good ones.
We think our tabloid papers are pretty rubbish.
But they aren’t, they are beacons of literaturey goodness compared to the English ones.
The English tabloids are extreme to the max.
Everything is big.
Everything is dumb.
And there is almost no news.
On a Sunday I read a tabloid, no idea which one, that had an article about how some tv presenter, noel someone, looked like a stalker to me, had the orbs of his two dead parents on his shoulders.
That was in a news paper.
And not even in a completely piss taking way. Which is the only way I would have accepted it.
While I was in Nottingham, pronounced nottinnoam, I went to what looked like a reasnobly nice café, and by that it was the only place I found in town that didn’t have TRENT FM blaring.
In this café they one spread sheet, that an economics major was reading, and everything else was a shit.
So I picked up the Daily Mirror.
The first half of the front page was ads for special features that were in the paper in bright colours, things like free nature docos, and specials on diets.
The rest of the front page is filled with how Paul McCartney needs 5000 bodyguards in Israel, front page.
The second page has a 30 second brain exercise, surely for the average reader of this paper that is overkill.
On page three is a special on a Prada model falling over at a major, yet unnamed fashion show, and then about 4 pictures of models looking unbalanced.
Also on this page is a story about how Roger Moore doesn’t care that he is the worst Bond and that Britney Spears is selling her house.
Page 4 had something about a French company building nuclear reactors in England, or something, I really couldn’t understand that article.
Page 5 was more on Paul, and yet again it was mentioned more guards than Dubya, incase you had missed the front page.
Then on page 6 they mentioned that the transport secretary had quit.
To top all this off 20 pages into the sport they had there first mention of the cricket, with a picture of eyelids pattinson, and mentioning he is a former roofer.
If I had a paper, I would have eyelids as my page 3 model, holding a roof tile over his package.
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Only thing the tabs are good for is for Viz to take the piss out of.
Just get the Observer on Sunday (particularly the Sport Monthly mag. ).
Maybe the Times if you can handle giving R Murdoch your hard earned.
I miss the papers over there, eh.
Sounds like Noel Edmonds. Orbs on his shoulders ain’t the half of it.
But yeah, don’t read the tabloids unless you want eye cancer. And don’t read the Times unless you really really miss the feeling of being lied to by an Australian. The Guardian is the only way to go, even if you’re not a lefty.
The thing is in cafes and such you don’t always have the good papers available.
It was Noel Edmonds, fucken freak.
I like the Times – for me it is the least worst. I like the guardian but lost faith with it on the basis of one story in it of which I had personal experience and which was q woefully inaccurate piece of rubbish. The indy has too much of a propensity to feature polar bears . Although the eyelids page 3 is something I can definitely get on board with. Jrod you should really read private eye too.
I like the Times – for me it is the least worst. I like the guardian but lost faith with it on the basis of one story in it of which I had personal experience and which was q woefully inaccurate piece of rubbish. The indy has too much of a propensity to feature polar bears . Although the eyelids page 3 is something I can definitely get on board with. Jrod you should really read private eye too.
Private Eye – you are right Miriam – i think i’ve told Uncle J that before anyway.
Guardian can be depressingly worthy. Daily Mail is funnier than Viz.
And Yes Prime Minister always has the final word on newspapers. Look at this clip on YouTube, it’s even funnier there:
(Prime Minister) Jim Hacker: “Don’t tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers:
- The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country;
- The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country;
- The Times is read by people who actually do run the country;
- The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country;
- The Financial Times is read by people who own the country;
- The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country;
- And the Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.”
Sir Humphrey: “Prime Minister, what about the people who read the Sun?”
Bernard Woolley: “Sun readers don’t care who runs the country, as long as she’s got big tits.”
Maybe i should read the sun, i like my politicians with big breasts, especially the men.