puddles
One of my closest Australian friends has moved to London for love.
This might be a move for years, or for minutes.
The other day we were walking down the street and an elderly couple looked at us aghast,s hare some quick words, looked straight at us and stopped walking.
In the seconds that followed I had many thoughts go through my head.
Are these people homophobic?
Do they hate Aussies?
Can they tell my friend is wearing skins?
None of the above.
This elderly couple (she looked like a cartoon witch, him the dude who sniffs your clothes at the bus stop) saw that a car was coming close to the curve and that a puddle was there and could splash them.
I get why they stopped.
Who wants to get wet.
But why the fuck didn’t they tell us about this car.
The witch and I had eye contact, they were only 10 metres away, and there was a few seconds to warn us as they could see the car and we couldn’t.
Instead my first indication of the puddle was hearing the water spalsh and then my quick turn and effeminate jump to make sure I didn’t get that wet.
Luckily I had on my big WWII coat and didn’t get that wet, neither did my friend.
Then as we passed the couple the lady looks at us and says, “that’s why we stopped”.
Thank you, bitch.
Thank you so much for only communicating with us to tell us how glad you were that you didn’t get wet and we did.
Why would we have wanted any warning before hand, surely it was better for us to leap up and get wet, and then listen to you rub it in.
Welcome to London, Doyle.


What about the time when you and I got soaked HEAD TO TOE by a car. I got puddle IN MY MOUTH and had to go straight home and stand under a hot shower for a long while.
a few years ago i was walking back from the gym and i still had my eyepod on and up loud. it was raining steadily. and then someone dumped a bucket of freezing cold water on my head.
the E3 bus drove through an enormous puddle and completely drenched me.
i almost had a stroke.
sounds like the brits descended from tamil brahmins! never a word spoken, its all to be inferred by some vedic gesture.
You should know by now that Brits try their best to NOT talk to strangers. I was once in a huge crowd of people trying to get on a bus. A woman forced her way, very physically, through the crowd with barely an excuse me … just to look at the front of the bus in order to see what number it was!!
I ask you … why could she not just say to one of the 50 people trying to get on WHAT FUCKING NUMBER IT WAS???