internet dating gone stupider
I understand Internet dating.
I have even done it, with mixed results, the less said about the girl with scorpions in her room the better.
But in my internet searching i have found an internet site so creepy i don’t know whether to mention it, or ask them for sponsorship.
It’s called antipodate.
It’s for antipodes to date other antipodes in the UK.
This is the problem with Aussies in london, and probably saffas and kiwis, all this mingling with our own kind.
I know what Australians are like.
I even know what Kiwis and Saffas are like.
I am in London, i am here to meet Londoners of all persuasions, even the Polish.
I know the noises Australian women make when they climax, i came over hear to hear the subtle differences of an English woman’s climax.
Basically i wanted to know if they really lay back and think of the queen.
So far, no.
I have no problem with people hooking up with anyone, date whomever you want.
But the whole I am only looking for people of a similar background has always worried me.
It’s probably not completely racist, but it is a bit stupid.
I mean Australia has 20 million people, New Zealnd has 12, so you are making it tougher to find a lover mathematically.
And when looking for a lover, maths is the most important thing, obviously.
Also according to wikipedia, the word antipode is incorrectly used towards us, so there.
In vernacular British English and Irish English, “The Antipodes” is sometimes used to refer to Australia, New Zealand and South Africa, and “Antipodeans” to their inhabitants.[3] By contrast, under the geographical definition, the antipodes of Great Britain and Ireland are in the Pacific Ocean, south of New Zealand. The antipodes of Australia are in the North Atlantic Ocean, while parts of Spain, Portugal, and Morocco are antipodal to New Zealand.
whisper
I have made my thoughts on Australians in london pretty clear.
So far i am 50/50.
I am quite happy with that ratio, and i wouldn’t want to ruin that symmetry.
And I go out of my way not to do so.
It’s not easy though, they are everywhere.
I can’t remember the last time I ate at a restaurant and somewhere around us there wasn’t one there.
Being that I too am a naturally loud Australian i have come up with an ingenious plan to not meet an australian in a restaurant.
I call it speaking quietly.
It’s brilliant.
Sure my fellow diners wonder why i have gone from bellowing lout to church mouse.
But once they here that familiar loud bellow from a table near by, they know why.
It’s not that I hate my fellow countrymen, i despise them as much as i do any nationality, it’s just that they will want to talk about Australia.
And not in a cool judgmental or taking the piss way, but in a nostalgic way, and i really can’t be bothered.
You know the way, even if you are not from Australia, you probably knows what it is like to meet a fellow countrymen on holiday or something.
They want to bond, and talk about some TV show you have done your best to block out.
And Australians are so loud, i know, because i am, so i don’t suddenly want to get in a spontaneous conversation with one, because i will get loud, and they will get louder, and next thing you know we will both be screaming about John Howard or Wayne Carey and i will be “one of those”.
An obnoxious aussie in London.
So to avoid all this i speak quietly.
True story.
Is he one of those
Found myself in the odd position the other day of sitting near people talking about an Australian.
These were very polite men, who obviously didn’t know there was a vicious exconvict in their midst.
They were talking about a colleague.
“Is he Australian”
“Oh yes”
“Nice chap though”
“He is indeed”
“Makes a nice change”
“Yes, Yes”.
I never outed myself as an Australian.
But I did think of how the conversation would have gone in Australia.
“He’s a pom isn’t he”
“Shit yeah”
“Not a bad bloke for a Pom”
“Group laugh”
Meeting Australians in London
I have always said Australians in London are the worst kind.
Fiercely patriotic, kind of dim witted, loud, bogans, first timers in a big city, a little racist and completely annoying.
Now I am here I should re-evaluate that opinion.
The first aussie I met in London was a racist.
How racist?
Well in 2 hours of conversation he called Monty Panesar a terrorist ( he said he was looking at the crowd working out who to bomb), in front of a fellow asian, and then finished up with comparing a Muslim security guard to Hashim Amla, presumably because he had a beard.
He fitted my stereotype.
The 2nd Aussie was on the same day (where you find one, you always find more) and was a writer, with dread locks, who painted his toe nails and was a teacher.
Seemed like a pretty good guy actually.
He did not fit my stereotype.
The 3rd was a group of Aussies at a comedy gig.
They were loud, drunk, stupid, annoying, and cheered every time the comedian had any sort of Australian reference.
Being that it was an Australian comic that was a lot.
The MC asked them to shut up countless times, and nothing seemed to work.
They were the stereotype alright.
The 4th was the comedian, Adam Hills, who I chatted two after the gig for a couple of minutes.
Seemed like a pretty decent sort of fella, and even when gushing fans (I didn’t approach him, was jammed in next to him, and it would have been weirder not to speak to him, honest) came up, still tried to converse with me about Melbourne.
Even apologised when he couldn’t talk more as he had to catch tube into north London.
Called me fella.
Did not fit the stereotype.
2/4.
I will keep you updated on the non me Aussies in London as I meet them.
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