black steaming gangs
“Get out down to South London sometime moron and and see how long you last with your snowy white anti racist credentials. Funny how these black steaming gangs tend only to attack whites (often alone or in pairs and doing no more than going home after a night out probably having socialised with people of colour themelves).”
This comment was left on the blog Enemies of Reason, a sarcastic take on the Daily Mail and other pinnacles of Journalism.
I live in South London. Inner South London. Just off Brixton Rd.
I’ve still never been steamed, or seen steaming, in South London, and in general I’m in South London everyday.
It should also be mentioned that I am white.
Really white.
So white I almost glow in the dark.
I make ginger people giggle.
Every day I walk around South London, the dodgy bits, and the good bits. I play basketball in the park, go for a jog or to the cricket nets in a much dodgier park, walk at night, and generally live my life.
Never have I seen any violence.
The only violence I know of in my area was a kid being stabbed by another kid, both were black.
I have been burgled here, but I’ve been burgled on three continents by many different ethnicities and skin tones.
So I have no idea what this guy was going on about.
I’m not sure if he is from South London, or even from Earth.
I’m sure steaming does exist, but if I travel by bus and tube, plus walking, all around South London all the time, and I have never seen it, I doubt people visiting for an afternoon for proof of people of colour (as he so respectfully describes them) mugging random whites.
Sometimes when I read about London it conjurers up images of some rat infested city where everyone has a knife and no white person is safe, then I leave my front door and walk to Brixton Rd and see a white woman walking her baby.
The baby does not have a knife.
racist jokes aren’t funny, but read this anyway
Not that long back I was at a gig.
It was my first gig since the Duckworth Lewis Method had given me a free ticket a few months earlier.
So it was cherished.
I had just finished the book, so was looking to relax.
My mate and I had half a bottle of top class whiskey, then took off to the gig with a hip flask of less quality whiskey.
We met up with our mates, had a blast, got pissed and waited for the gig to start.
While we were hammered one of the guys i don’t know as well said, “My mate sent this, it is pretty bad”.
He shows me his phone and I expect to see some dude swallowing horse semen or something.
Instead I see a racist joke.
It was something to do with running over a Paki ( I doubt they meant it in the Australian non-racist sense of the word) twice.
I can’t remember the details, but even if it wasn’t racist, it wouldn’t have been funny. Fail, fail.
Then I look at the guy, and he has a shit eating grin on his face.
I say, “is that funny?”
“No, it’s shit isn’t it”.
“Then why show it to me?”
“My mate is a dick”.
Then the conversation was ended by a drinks round.
I just don’t get it, what is the point of showing me this? To point out that he has racist friends, that he really thinks it is funny and he can’t say, or did he just think i would congratulate him on his pretty fucken phone.
For the rest of the night I steered clear of him and hung out with another wannabe writer.
After a few more drinks, me and this writer decided that we should replicate those historical blue plaques people have on their house if someone famous and worthy had lived there.
Mine would say, Jarrod Kimber (literary magician) lived here until 2012.
I thought that was much more funny than a poorly written joke about running over a Paki, but then again, I was pissed.
My new Ashes book.
the BNP
The European elections are on at the moment, and because of this I started looking into the British National Party. They are the UK’s equivalent to Australia’s One Nation party, except with a few differences.
They seem a bit racistier, especially with links to Nazis.
They are a lot more violent, with their members blowing people up and shooting the odd darky.
They are way more organised, I called One Nation one day and it was the Victorian leaders home phone.
Due to 7th of July bombings right wing people are easier to suck in than just saying Asians are taking over Queensland.
My favourite factoid about the British National Party is based on my own experiences.
I am about to marry a Cambridge Educated Lawyer. Nicest girl ever. Intelligent, sings in church, loves the UK and was born here. But under the BNP guidelines, she would be deported (or asked to leave).
The reason is simple, her parents are Sri Lankans, and even worse than that in the eyes of the BNP, Muslim Sri Lankans.
Now it doesn’t matter that this lovely girl would never harm the UK, she is a dark Muslim, she must go.
I, on the other hand, would be allowed to stay (once I was a citizen) because I am white. Doesn’t matter that I am far more violent, I’m white. If the BNP were to take over the country I would probably become a terrorist, but it doesn’t matter, I’m white.
White people can do no harm, they are great, and they all love each other.
Like Northern Ireland.
jade goody; the saint of the racially bigoted
Jade Goody is dead. I saw it in a newspaper.
It is news, worth printing. Apparently Jade Goody was the major person of note to die recently.
Outside of England people may not know of Jade Goody.
She is famous for being a reality TV star, and a little racist.
For the Australian’s who want someone to compare her to, she is the English version of Pauline Hanson.
Both were famous for bull shit reasons, one on TV the other as the leader of a group of hillbilly fucktards political party.
Both say stupid things with alarming regularity.
And both went from the punch lines of left wingers to the queen of the bogans/chavs when their private lives got shit.
By shit I mean jail for Hanson and cancer for Goody.
While Hanson got some good publicity for going to jail, and a reality show gig, Jade Goody got sainted.
It was almost as if her having cancer was more important than her being a racist.
It trumped it completely.
The left wingers left her alone, and right wingers made her into a dirty uneducated rough as fuck Princess Di.
How many non famous people die everyday of cancer, leaving behind young families, old families, and loved ones.
Some of these people are racists. Some aren’t, come are charity workers, some are social workers, some have given up their treatments to help their families, some of them are good honest people.
The fact that someone who is a racist would get promoted because she has an illness is not a good enough reason, if she donated her life to helping poor Indian women, educated people on why racism was wrong, set up a charity devoted to helping immigrants to the UK then maybe she would have gone some way to earning some new respect.
She didn’t, instead she had a reality show, supported her incarcerated lover, never admitted her comments were racist, and became some sick pin up girl for a community who deserves heroes like Jade.
I am sorry her children have no mother, but how many other children lost their mothers today, and how many of those were not racists, and didn’t make the front page of a paper.
a racist, but a knowing one
I spent time with an Englishman at a pub recently.
Good bloke.
It was St Patrick’s day, he bought my green beer.
Dick head.
The pub was packed so we had to share a table with a South African, an old military man.
The guy had a lot of stories, and was a delight to talk to.
But it didn’t take long for him to become just a little bit racist.
It all started when my mate asked me how i was going without the word Paki.
For those who don’t know i tried to reclaim the word Paki as in Australia we call Pakistanis Pakis, because we nickname like that.
Not for racist purposes like the English use Paki.
Anyway, this started the Older South African on a rant against PCness.
Which is fine, but it eventually culminated in him telling us a story of how he called an American woman a nigger (the er infliction, not the a infection) in front of coffee coloured children.
He actually said nigger and coffee coloured children in a packed bar, a bar packed with people, in London, a bar in London with people everywhere.
My mate, someone who had earlier called himself a feminist, and whom political correctness is just part of his general politeness, went paler than his general ginger paleness.
For me it just backed up my oft held saying, talk to a white South African long enough, and they will eventually make you think they are a racist.
I hate the theory, but I hate it more that it happens to be true so often.
They aren’t all racists, but it just seems everytime i get into a conversation with one, they just eventually put in a small comment that makes you think they are.
This wasn’t that sort of conversation, the man was using the word nigger, he wasn’t hiding behind semantics.
But later on he said something that gave me hope for South Africa.
He was talking about South Africa’s future, and he said some thing along the lines of (i was a bit pissed by this point), “the future is the young people, I am an old racist, i will always be, but the future is with the young South Africans they are growing up without our crap”.
This was a man who trained people in riot control, wrote papers against the ANC, had used the word nigger in a crowded London bar, and yet had the intelleuct to know he was wrong, and had faith in the young people.
And he never bought me a green beer.
Words you can’t say in London: Paki
I think by even writing this here i am breaking some sort of law England has.
Ofcourse in Australia Paki means a pakistani, the same way a yank means an american a pom means an englishman or a kiwi means pity.
I have tried, valiantly, to reclaim the word for good, but apparently i got here too late.
The ‘racists’ have already used and abused it.
Those wacky racists.
So now I have to change my vocabulary because a bunch of skin heads got pissed that they had to buy a paper from a brown man.
I am not a man who changes easily.
I still call radios the wireless, and when i was born no one did this.
But i don’t want to look like a racist, unless its against South Africans, then i’m ok with it.
Recently i was in a bar with some well respected men about town, and i tried to defend my use of the word, they agreed i was not being racist by saying it, but nevertheless asked me to say it a little less loudly.
Subtlety has never been a fine point of mine.
Since i am not a racist, mostly, and don’t want to offend any people for whom the word is a deep seated insult towards, i will try my best to put it back in the holster.
And remember kiddies racism is bad, if you really don’t like someone, be more creative with your insults.
Also feel free to give me some love for mentioning the phrases black cunts and then paki in two successive posts, that takes real skill.
-
Recent Comments
lynsey on It aint no raptor claw, it… Pat on It aint no raptor claw, it… lynsey on It aint no raptor claw, it… Pat on It aint no raptor claw, it… lynsey on It aint no raptor claw, it…
my latest book
-
My Photos
More Photos
