literally another aussie in london

Swine Flu

Here it is the definitive explanation of how England is combating swine flu.

If you feel sniffly you take an online test.

At the end of the test it tells you whether it thinks you have swine flu.

If it is positive, as mine was, you have to call a doctor and repeat your symptoms.

Then the doctor says you have swine flu, and you have swine flu.

That is all.

My conversation with the doctor went like this.

Jrod: Yes I have a cough, runny nose, am very tired, and have a fever.

Doc: OK then you need a week of bed rest and you need to stay at home.

Jrod: Oh, so I have swine flu.

Doc: Yes.

Jrod: But how do you know, you haven’t actually seen me.

Doc: You have swine flu.

Jrod: Are you sure?

Doc: Yes.

Jrod: Oh, so do I need the viral thingy.

Doc: No, only if you get really sick.

That is it.

I wasn’t swabbed, touched or measured.

I just instantly became a case of Swine Flu.

Shame if I was busy at work and didn’t have swine flu (it was between Ashes tests so I was fine).

Perhaps had I mass panicked (without the mass) I would have been able to actually see someone.

But I was tired, and I thought fuck it.

I bought no medicine, needed no chicken soup, and I survived.

For all I know I had a cold and was only being tired because I was sub consciously trying to get a week of sleep.

I do understand the fact you don’t see anyone, but I think people who are diagnosed over the phone and don’t take any drugs should be given a prize for not bothering anyone.

A swine flu t-shirt that says; I rode the pig reaper and I survived.

July 29, 2009 Posted by Jrod | living in london | swine flu | 3 Comments

I HAVE SURVIVED

I know you must have been worried.

“Oh no, he says he has swine flu and then he disappears, he is dead, RIP you beautiful angel from heaven”.

But here I am, fit as a Middlesex Bull.

Swine flue aint all that.

I had a bit of a cough, some sniffles, a bit of soreness and slept 15 hours a day, but the bastard wouldn’t get me down.

I will explain the “quarantine” process shortly, but for now just be glad that I am alive.

And to the pigs out there, fuck you.

BACON ROCKS.

July 27, 2009 Posted by Jrod | living in london | swine flu | Leave a Comment

I have the swine flu

But I am ok.

I seem to feel better than I have when I have had normal flu.

And I have no aversion to bacon.

The Pig Reaper is not really on my back.

But I will try and keep you updated on related shennanigans.

At the moment that means sleep.

July 22, 2009 Posted by Jrod | living in london | swine flu | 1 Comment